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Last week I had the kids outside at the witching hour. The witching hour is actually more like 3 hours from 3-6pm, when I have nothing left in my Mary Poppins arsenal, when threre are no naps left in the day, and all I can do is try to have the kids not kill each other while I anxiously await the return of Matt so I can exit promptly for a decompression walk around the block. So the kids were outside in fight mode and I was trying really hard not to physically or emotionally abuse them. Out strolls a neighbor with her one child (who happens to be perfect). She starts talking about how she really isn't sure she wants to have another baby because of what it would do to the perfect first child. And, she said, there is always the chance of having twins, which would be a REAL disaster! And here I am, yelling at my kids to quit beating each other, and knowing that she is observing what is happening as the disaster she would be faced with if she had two more kids. Then she's talking about how she's a professor and how she's working on her dissertation, which she wants to turn into a book. And all at once I have two feelings: 1. I LOVE my three kids, and of course it's hard sometimes, but I would NEVER trade this and all the fun and love they get from each other. And 2. I would give anything to have a life of books and research and writing and teaching. And it dawns on me that this is what I want to do with my life. Not that I haven't fantasized about getting my PhD in theology and teaching for a living, but it has been closer to the coffeeshop fantasy in reality terms. But I think I know now that this desire to learn more and to write about my thoughts in the matters I read about is something inside that I MUST do. It's more than a passing fantasy, but something that really has to happen for me to feel complete.

So now I'm trying to figure out how it can happen. First step is to research grad schools around Chicago, second step, figure out what I can do with a degree in theology if I don't happen to have people begging me to accept a tenure track position at their Chicago University. There's always the money tree in the backyard, which will also finance the landscaping, new windows, bathroom remodels and master suite addition that I'd also like.

I have become the estimate bandit around Oak Park, requesting estimates for the following items:
new furnace
patio/walkway/landscaping in back
windows in front

...without doing a thing about any of these. Because all of them cost approximately 10 times what we can afford. Again, I know I need to consult the money tree.

I also had my family over on Sunday for brunch. As usual, I had pre-family-party freak out, where I get to be a really horrible person to live with and start thinking irrational thoughts. But it's over now, the food was great (a repeat of Easter brunch).

So that's the update, sorry for dropping out of society for awhile. I tend to do that when I get freaked out.

Thursday begins my vacation to San Fransisco to visit my sis. Can't wait!