Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Johnnyism
Our van is being fixed, so my in-laws helped us cart the kids to Des Moines and back by taking one in their car. Annie went with them on the way there, Johnny on the way back. Apparently, Johnny had been looking out the window once it got dark at the big night sky. He then asked my in-laws, "How hot is Uranus?"
Compassion
Last night I went to Buddhist Mediatation class, where the topic was compassion. I think probably every class will be on some aspect of moving outside of our self-centered world, and last night was no exception. Perched on her cushion and adorned with her maroon and gold robes, the Buddhist nun spoke of the energy that we use worrying about our hair, our clothes, and our job title that could be better spent being a caring friend to other people, which is what will truly bring happiness.
She told us how the space we were sitting in was remodeled before the opening of the center, and a new, handicap-accessible bathroom was installed. Only out of forgetfulness, a mirror was not installed at the time, and for months new students thought to themselves that mirrors were forbidden in Buddhism. They aren't, she told us, but looks had so ceased being important for the nuns and monks running the center that the lack of one wasn't a concern. Hmmm, I thought, looking at her crew-cut and no makeup. Maybe just a small mirror would be helpful? But seriously, I have also thought how liberating it would be to not spend a half hour doing my hair and makeup in the morning or picking out clothes (I'm counting the days that I actually shower and put on something other than exercise pants with the shirt I slept in). Think of all you could do with your half hour if you had a crew cut and ceased wearing makeup. You could meditate EVERY MORNING! And then as I looked at the crew cut nun, I could see how her face had almost no lines. It was an open face, inviting, peaceful, and really very beautiful. No botox, no revlon color-stay or eyelash curlers, just beauty from the inside out.
Anyhow, I came home and told Matt how I was still having a little bit of trouble how to resolve the "think about others more" with "spend more time on myself." I told him I knew in my heart that it wasn't a problem, but I was having a hard time wrapping my head around why it wasn't a problem. And Matt had a truly illuminating comment. "Stop thinking of it as a zero-sum." That's right! If I'm taking care of myself, it doesn't mean that I'm not taking care of others. When I was off meditating, the kids weren't locked in a 5x5 cell mumbling to themselves until I got back, they were having a rockin' good time with their Dad putting them to bed! And he loved having the alone time with the kids, too!
I had further corroboration of this point that caring for others and caring for self were not mutually exclusive entities. I was reading another self-help book about raising self-esteem and got to the chapter about compassion. The more compassion you have for yourself, the more you have for others, and vice-versa. It's like the golden rule can hold true in the inverse as well, "do to yourself as you would do unto others." And once you treat yourself as you treat others, your life is much more in balance.
Not that I want to ditch my eyelash curler. And I really do like the new red "wine" lipstick I bought. Well, perhaps Buddhism like all the others has its high points and low points, and I can be proud to be a cafeteria Buddhist, Catholic, Episcopalian...
She told us how the space we were sitting in was remodeled before the opening of the center, and a new, handicap-accessible bathroom was installed. Only out of forgetfulness, a mirror was not installed at the time, and for months new students thought to themselves that mirrors were forbidden in Buddhism. They aren't, she told us, but looks had so ceased being important for the nuns and monks running the center that the lack of one wasn't a concern. Hmmm, I thought, looking at her crew-cut and no makeup. Maybe just a small mirror would be helpful? But seriously, I have also thought how liberating it would be to not spend a half hour doing my hair and makeup in the morning or picking out clothes (I'm counting the days that I actually shower and put on something other than exercise pants with the shirt I slept in). Think of all you could do with your half hour if you had a crew cut and ceased wearing makeup. You could meditate EVERY MORNING! And then as I looked at the crew cut nun, I could see how her face had almost no lines. It was an open face, inviting, peaceful, and really very beautiful. No botox, no revlon color-stay or eyelash curlers, just beauty from the inside out.
Anyhow, I came home and told Matt how I was still having a little bit of trouble how to resolve the "think about others more" with "spend more time on myself." I told him I knew in my heart that it wasn't a problem, but I was having a hard time wrapping my head around why it wasn't a problem. And Matt had a truly illuminating comment. "Stop thinking of it as a zero-sum." That's right! If I'm taking care of myself, it doesn't mean that I'm not taking care of others. When I was off meditating, the kids weren't locked in a 5x5 cell mumbling to themselves until I got back, they were having a rockin' good time with their Dad putting them to bed! And he loved having the alone time with the kids, too!
I had further corroboration of this point that caring for others and caring for self were not mutually exclusive entities. I was reading another self-help book about raising self-esteem and got to the chapter about compassion. The more compassion you have for yourself, the more you have for others, and vice-versa. It's like the golden rule can hold true in the inverse as well, "do to yourself as you would do unto others." And once you treat yourself as you treat others, your life is much more in balance.
Not that I want to ditch my eyelash curler. And I really do like the new red "wine" lipstick I bought. Well, perhaps Buddhism like all the others has its high points and low points, and I can be proud to be a cafeteria Buddhist, Catholic, Episcopalian...
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Spiritual Enlightenment
In my quest to be a happier, more positive person, I started on my path to spiritual enlightenment a few weeks ago, going to a Buddhist meditation class and attending a women's evening of reflection at Church. I would like to share my experiences. First the Buddhist class, then the women's evening of reflection.
The Buddhist class was organized as such: welcome and breathing meditation, discussion by Buddhist teacher, small group discussion, closing and more breathing meditation. The topic of the evening was "Training in Humility." One of the things the teacher talked about was how infrequently we think about or really even regard other human beings that we don't know. For example, we'll walk by the bus stop and not regard a person any more than the lamp post they are standing next to. This is how most of us go through life. She continued by talking about becoming other-centered instead of self-centered. When we broke into small groups, there was something that I was having a lot of difficulty with that I decided to bring up. My whole purpose of coming to the class in the first place was to do something good for ME, and here this Buddhist guru was telling us how we need to stop thinking about ourselves and become less self-centered. So I brought it up and immediately after felt like maybe I shouldn't have brought it up. Maybe being new I was just supposed to close my eyes a lot and talk about chi and agree with everything people said. Nobody in my group had a solution to this problem, and it was time to end the small group time anyhow. We did our final breathing meditation and said goodbye. As I was putting my shoes back on (we all had to remove our shoes at the door at the beginning...not yet sure why), someone from my small group stopped me. "I was struck by your question and didn't have an answer right away, but then an image came to my mind. It's when the flight attendant tells you at the beginning of a flight that you need to put your own mask on before you can help those around you. Don't know what kind of help that image is for you, but that's what came to me." Even though it was kind of awkward, I was grateful that the man had stopped me and shared the image that he received and I thought about it over the next couple of days.
Four nights later, I went to the women's evening of reflection with Bridget Sperduto as the key speaker. She has a lot of jobs in the Church and outside it that she does that I could list, but the best title she holds is "Kickass Spiritual Speaker". I had heard her before at the last women's morning of reflection. The topic for the evening was to be "Taking Care of Yourself." The first thing that Bridget said when she got up was "You know how when you get onto an airplane and before you take off, you are instructed to put your own mask on before you help anyone else with theirs?" *WEIRD* I got a chill as this evening picked up exactly where the Buddhist class left off. Bridget continued, "If we give of ourselves too much, there is nothing left to give, and then the people around us have nothing, and we have nothing."
I had one other strange thing happen during this evening. One of the readings was of the woman by the well. Bridget read the story and we were supposed to envision ourselves in the story. I was trying hard to feel a connection with the woman who had five husbands, but I was only really having success envisioning the husbands I would choose if I could have five. Then I was trying to feel a connection with Jesus, but I just couldn't. But then when we reached the part in the story when the woman draws up the bucket, I suddenly jumped into the story. I was myself (my neurotic, angst-filled, peace-seeking self) sitting at the bottom of the well, at the bottom of the rope, being pulled up by the future me (peaceful, loving, kind, patient). I think I had that image because I recently finished the book Eat, Pray, Love where there was a scene in the book where the author talks about the future her (and the better version) pulling the present her (the more broken version) along through time. Like she couldn't do it alone, but nobody in her life could help her but HER. And so that was the image that I was given as I heard the woman at the well story.
And so how do these tales come together? Well, I imagine that the person at the bottom of that well is sitting there filling up that bucket over and over again for everyone in her life. Jesus calls down to her that he can give her living water. She decides to hop on that bucket and take the ride up that well by Jesus. When she gets near the top she realizes it was her future self that was pulling on that rope. But her future self looked like her, but had the hands of God. Somehow everyone in the story was one in the same person, able to cherish and care for self as well as others.
If that last paragraph (or last four) didn't make any sense (or if you skipped through all of that shit and are contemplating your own five imaginary husbands), no worries. All I'd like to report is that I feel well on my way to becoming my best future self.
:)
The Buddhist class was organized as such: welcome and breathing meditation, discussion by Buddhist teacher, small group discussion, closing and more breathing meditation. The topic of the evening was "Training in Humility." One of the things the teacher talked about was how infrequently we think about or really even regard other human beings that we don't know. For example, we'll walk by the bus stop and not regard a person any more than the lamp post they are standing next to. This is how most of us go through life. She continued by talking about becoming other-centered instead of self-centered. When we broke into small groups, there was something that I was having a lot of difficulty with that I decided to bring up. My whole purpose of coming to the class in the first place was to do something good for ME, and here this Buddhist guru was telling us how we need to stop thinking about ourselves and become less self-centered. So I brought it up and immediately after felt like maybe I shouldn't have brought it up. Maybe being new I was just supposed to close my eyes a lot and talk about chi and agree with everything people said. Nobody in my group had a solution to this problem, and it was time to end the small group time anyhow. We did our final breathing meditation and said goodbye. As I was putting my shoes back on (we all had to remove our shoes at the door at the beginning...not yet sure why), someone from my small group stopped me. "I was struck by your question and didn't have an answer right away, but then an image came to my mind. It's when the flight attendant tells you at the beginning of a flight that you need to put your own mask on before you can help those around you. Don't know what kind of help that image is for you, but that's what came to me." Even though it was kind of awkward, I was grateful that the man had stopped me and shared the image that he received and I thought about it over the next couple of days.
Four nights later, I went to the women's evening of reflection with Bridget Sperduto as the key speaker. She has a lot of jobs in the Church and outside it that she does that I could list, but the best title she holds is "Kickass Spiritual Speaker". I had heard her before at the last women's morning of reflection. The topic for the evening was to be "Taking Care of Yourself." The first thing that Bridget said when she got up was "You know how when you get onto an airplane and before you take off, you are instructed to put your own mask on before you help anyone else with theirs?" *WEIRD* I got a chill as this evening picked up exactly where the Buddhist class left off. Bridget continued, "If we give of ourselves too much, there is nothing left to give, and then the people around us have nothing, and we have nothing."
I had one other strange thing happen during this evening. One of the readings was of the woman by the well. Bridget read the story and we were supposed to envision ourselves in the story. I was trying hard to feel a connection with the woman who had five husbands, but I was only really having success envisioning the husbands I would choose if I could have five. Then I was trying to feel a connection with Jesus, but I just couldn't. But then when we reached the part in the story when the woman draws up the bucket, I suddenly jumped into the story. I was myself (my neurotic, angst-filled, peace-seeking self) sitting at the bottom of the well, at the bottom of the rope, being pulled up by the future me (peaceful, loving, kind, patient). I think I had that image because I recently finished the book Eat, Pray, Love where there was a scene in the book where the author talks about the future her (and the better version) pulling the present her (the more broken version) along through time. Like she couldn't do it alone, but nobody in her life could help her but HER. And so that was the image that I was given as I heard the woman at the well story.
And so how do these tales come together? Well, I imagine that the person at the bottom of that well is sitting there filling up that bucket over and over again for everyone in her life. Jesus calls down to her that he can give her living water. She decides to hop on that bucket and take the ride up that well by Jesus. When she gets near the top she realizes it was her future self that was pulling on that rope. But her future self looked like her, but had the hands of God. Somehow everyone in the story was one in the same person, able to cherish and care for self as well as others.
If that last paragraph (or last four) didn't make any sense (or if you skipped through all of that shit and are contemplating your own five imaginary husbands), no worries. All I'd like to report is that I feel well on my way to becoming my best future self.
:)
Thursday, November 8, 2007
There it is
Long absence from blogging generally means stress or family party. In this case, both. My mom's 60th, which went well! It was a surprise, all the kids gave toasts, and I think she felt really happy and appreciated. Success.
When I get stressed, I tumble into a vortex of anxiety and negativity. I thought I hid this pretty well (please contain laughter), but I have recently realized that I wear my neuroses on my sleeve and in fact occasionally I even invite other people into my vortex. Or maybe it's not so much a vortex but a vacuum that sucks up anything happy. Okay, a paintful realization, but the good news of this all is that I can change it! Happiness is a choice, after all, right? So, I hereby apologize to the outside world for being a pain in the ass Debbie Downer from time to time. I will work on being a cheerful human being and minimizing stress so it never gets to that point in the first place, you can all work on not letting me get away with being a pain in the ass. And if anyone has ideas on how to choose happiness, I'd really like to hear them.
For week one of my quest to be a more cheerful human being, I went to Sprituality group tonight. Down the hall from where we were meeting, a group of school moms were busily working on plans for a Christmas fundraiser. I saw them and they implored me to bring down a sign-up sheet for cookie bakers for the bake sale. I did, went to the group and had a grand old time (and I do mean "old"...median age 83). I realize that it's kind of a kooky thing to do, but I love it. It fills me up. And at least no one from the outside world has to see me reading poetry and telling the group who in my life comes to mind when I hear the words "faithful companion" (if you're reading this, you fit the description). But at the very moment that I am standing around a pumpkin-scented candle in the convent dining room with the bluehairs singing "Lord of the Dance," my friend from down the hall arrives to pick up the sign-up sheet. Busted. I guess it's time to fly the freak flag.
When I get stressed, I tumble into a vortex of anxiety and negativity. I thought I hid this pretty well (please contain laughter), but I have recently realized that I wear my neuroses on my sleeve and in fact occasionally I even invite other people into my vortex. Or maybe it's not so much a vortex but a vacuum that sucks up anything happy. Okay, a paintful realization, but the good news of this all is that I can change it! Happiness is a choice, after all, right? So, I hereby apologize to the outside world for being a pain in the ass Debbie Downer from time to time. I will work on being a cheerful human being and minimizing stress so it never gets to that point in the first place, you can all work on not letting me get away with being a pain in the ass. And if anyone has ideas on how to choose happiness, I'd really like to hear them.
For week one of my quest to be a more cheerful human being, I went to Sprituality group tonight. Down the hall from where we were meeting, a group of school moms were busily working on plans for a Christmas fundraiser. I saw them and they implored me to bring down a sign-up sheet for cookie bakers for the bake sale. I did, went to the group and had a grand old time (and I do mean "old"...median age 83). I realize that it's kind of a kooky thing to do, but I love it. It fills me up. And at least no one from the outside world has to see me reading poetry and telling the group who in my life comes to mind when I hear the words "faithful companion" (if you're reading this, you fit the description). But at the very moment that I am standing around a pumpkin-scented candle in the convent dining room with the bluehairs singing "Lord of the Dance," my friend from down the hall arrives to pick up the sign-up sheet. Busted. I guess it's time to fly the freak flag.
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