Compassion

Last night I went to Buddhist Mediatation class, where the topic was compassion. I think probably every class will be on some aspect of moving outside of our self-centered world, and last night was no exception. Perched on her cushion and adorned with her maroon and gold robes, the Buddhist nun spoke of the energy that we use worrying about our hair, our clothes, and our job title that could be better spent being a caring friend to other people, which is what will truly bring happiness.

She told us how the space we were sitting in was remodeled before the opening of the center, and a new, handicap-accessible bathroom was installed. Only out of forgetfulness, a mirror was not installed at the time, and for months new students thought to themselves that mirrors were forbidden in Buddhism. They aren't, she told us, but looks had so ceased being important for the nuns and monks running the center that the lack of one wasn't a concern. Hmmm, I thought, looking at her crew-cut and no makeup. Maybe just a small mirror would be helpful? But seriously, I have also thought how liberating it would be to not spend a half hour doing my hair and makeup in the morning or picking out clothes (I'm counting the days that I actually shower and put on something other than exercise pants with the shirt I slept in). Think of all you could do with your half hour if you had a crew cut and ceased wearing makeup. You could meditate EVERY MORNING! And then as I looked at the crew cut nun, I could see how her face had almost no lines. It was an open face, inviting, peaceful, and really very beautiful. No botox, no revlon color-stay or eyelash curlers, just beauty from the inside out.

Anyhow, I came home and told Matt how I was still having a little bit of trouble how to resolve the "think about others more" with "spend more time on myself." I told him I knew in my heart that it wasn't a problem, but I was having a hard time wrapping my head around why it wasn't a problem. And Matt had a truly illuminating comment. "Stop thinking of it as a zero-sum." That's right! If I'm taking care of myself, it doesn't mean that I'm not taking care of others. When I was off meditating, the kids weren't locked in a 5x5 cell mumbling to themselves until I got back, they were having a rockin' good time with their Dad putting them to bed! And he loved having the alone time with the kids, too!

I had further corroboration of this point that caring for others and caring for self were not mutually exclusive entities. I was reading another self-help book about raising self-esteem and got to the chapter about compassion. The more compassion you have for yourself, the more you have for others, and vice-versa. It's like the golden rule can hold true in the inverse as well, "do to yourself as you would do unto others." And once you treat yourself as you treat others, your life is much more in balance.

Not that I want to ditch my eyelash curler. And I really do like the new red "wine" lipstick I bought. Well, perhaps Buddhism like all the others has its high points and low points, and I can be proud to be a cafeteria Buddhist, Catholic, Episcopalian...