21-day cleanse

I'm not decided on whether I'm going to do this Oprah-inspired vacation from caffeine, alcohol, sugar, gluten, and animal products. Mostly, I say what's left? Why would I give up my two glasses of sweet reward at the end of a long hard day where I have successfully made it through playdates, quibbles, parks, and tantrums. And what would inspire me to get up in the morning and do it all again without the taste of delicious coffee laden with tiramisu coffeemate creamer? And what would I replace my lunches of peanut and butter and jelly crusts and crumbs of chips? Now, one of the blogs I check from time to time, dooce, is doing it. Here's what she says about why she's doing it:

I want to be a better wife, a more conscious and present mother, a more loyal friend, and a better listener. I'd like to handle my anxiety better.

Maybe I need this cleanse. I also would like to lose my last pounds of baby fat that have collected around my gut, ass and thighs to inspire me to buy one of those swimming skirts that I swore I would never buy. Ooh, actually I've bought two of them. One black and one brown.

I always thought that having a tan makes cellulite less noticable. But it's hard to get a tan on the backs of your legs when you're not willing to expose them anyhow. Maybe instead of the cleanse I'll just get some of that sunless tanner that will make me turn orange and distract people from the chub.

Malapropism

Thanks to a friend who sent this e-mail to me, from her help desk at work.

From: Help Desk
Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2008 11:57 AM
To: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Cc: Help Desk
Subject: Thanks, sorry

Thanks Michelle and I would like to apologize for the incontinence.

Little Red Hen Removal

I have removed "little red hen" from my list of posts. I wrote it when I was crabby. It is sarcastic and kind of mean. I'm sorry if I offended any of my three readers. The point raised was what makes a person "good?" The old way says family values, religion. I just meant to question those old ways because plenty of religious people get themselves into heaps of trouble, and plenty of agnostics lead saintly lives. Or let's be honest, maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel like I can still be good even though I have a tattoo, question religion, and have done bad stuff.